Capital Region Legal News

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Why Women Divorce

What are common reasons women end their marriages?

According to a sampling of marriage counselors, there are six primary reasons women dissolve their marriages. In many cases, the reasons are intertwined. As Christine Wilke, a marriage therapist in Easton Pennsylvania stated recently, “So many women don’t feel seen, heard or validated in the relationship.” This underlying sentiment appears to be at the core of many of the other reasons given for dissatisfaction in the marriage. If you are considering divorce, it is essential that you consult with a trustworthy attorney experienced in the ins and outs of family law.

Marriage counselors are frequently see people contemplating separation since couples often turn to therapy in a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. Looking at divorce from the woman's perspective, therapists report that husbands often remain woefully ignorant that there are serious flaws in the marriage until their wives draw them into therapy to reveal them. The communication skills everyone seems to agree are necessary to a healthy union are often absent. Women, like men, may feel that their attempts to communicate fail because their partners don't actively listen.

Six Common Reasons Women Seek Divorce

1. They feel they alone are responsible for keeping the relationship afloat.

Many women feel that they, by design or default, end up doing all the tasks necessary to keep the marriage and/or the family on course -- most significantly, trying to keep the romance in the marriage alive. One psychologist and mediator from New York puts it this way: "At the end of the day, many wives take stock of all they do for their families and wonder where their spouse has been."

2. They have repeated arguments about the same issues that never get resolved.

While even happily married couples often have repeated arguments over the same issues, the arguments tend to be about less significant matters than those that are precursors to divorce. While forgetting to take out the trash or close the kitchen cabinets can be extremely irritating and lead to bickering, it is larger issues that really take their toll on a marriage.  Arguments about repeated episodes of alcohol abuse, extravagant spending, not keeping promises -- these are more likely to underlie the growing resentment that destroys the relationship.

3. They are not satisfied with their sex lives.

Couples feelings about their sex lives are usually (though not always) indicative of their feelings about the relationship in general. Women may complain that they no longer have sex frequently enough, that their encounters are too brief and mechanical, that their husbands demand sex without being otherwise affectionate, or that their partners always want sex on their own terms. Olga Bloch, a marriage therapist in Maryland states that unmet needs can be lethal to a relationship.

4. They feel emotionally disconnected and don't have intimate conversations any more.

Several of the marriage counselors surveyed pointed at this as the most common reason women give for marital discord. If couples drift apart emotionally and lose interest in one another's feelings, it makes them vulnerable to seeking emotional or sexual intimacy elsewhere.

5. They feel they've grown beyond their spouses.

Inevitably, each partner in a marriage grows during the years they are together. Sometimes they grow closer, each encouraging the other. Other times, the two grow apart, particularly when one is changing more rapidly and the other is resistant to altering the roles they have played for years. This is often true in middle age when the children have grown and the wife may want to broaden her horizons while her husband feels it is time for him to relax and settle in. The refusal of a husband to go into marriage therapy at such a time may create an impasse that the couple cannot overcome.

6. They want to reclaim or reinvent themselves and feel their husbands are holding them back. Related to the reason number five is the desire to change longstanding patterns that have led to ongoing disappointment and frustration. Confronted with their husbands' addictive behavior, uncontrolled anger, or refusal to be affectionate, women may simply come to the end of the line. At some point, what has been endurable becomes intolerable and women would rather divorce than face one more day of the misery their marriage has become.

If you are contemplating divorce, please reach out the excellent family attorneys at Ianniello Anderson. We serve clients in the Albany, Clifton Park, Glens Falls, Saratoga Springs, Troy, and the entire Northeastern NY areas and can be reached at (518) 350.7755.


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